I remember vividly, December 18th 2004 we were
at Ben’s cousin's Christmas Party when his home phone rang. This was a time before people had their cell
phones attached to them 24/7. Jory came
into the room to let us know that Ben’s father (Herb) had passed out and was
going to the hospital via ambulance. Ben
and I decided to go to the hospital to offer support to his mother. This had to be scary for her, as she was
present when he passed out. Upon our
arrival, I was expecting to be told to have a seat in the waiting room. Instead we were escorted back immediately and
it wasn’t until we reached our destination, a private waiting room (which, at a
much later date, I found out it’s labeled as a “crisis” room) , that I realized
the severity of the situation. Ben’s mom
broke my heart that night. Her meltdown
when we walked into the room was gut and heart wrenching. She had witnessed her husband ‘passing out’,
she was scared and she was dropped in this room all alone while Herb was
whisked away for a battery of tests.
That evening moved quickly yet slowly.
What felt like minutes after being escorted into our personal waiting
room, an ER doctor introduced himself and broke the devastating news. The room was spinning, I thought my heart was
going to literally beat itself out of my chest and I felt like I was going to
pass out, vomit and poop myself all at the same time! I couldn’t believe what the doctor just told
us. Here I thought Herb may have had a
heart attack or went into diabetic shock, but nothing prepared us for reality; Herb
suffered a massive stroke. He was no longer the man, father, husband, uncle or
father in-law that we had all known and loved.
The doctor had explained that Herb would never wake up, his brain was no
longer functioning and the breaths he was taking were thanks to life
support. We were able to sit with Herb
in an ER room while he awaited a room in the ICU. The three of us sat in silence, Ben on his
mom’s right side and I on her left. The
doctor had mentioned that any movement Herb made was involuntary, so when I saw
his foot shaking as if he were cold, I couldn’t help but cover them with a
blanket and rub his feet. Herb
received a room in the ICU around 3am.
Each of us had a chance to visit once the move was complete. Little did I know, this was the last time I
would see him alive.
As Marna and I waited in the lobby of the
hospital for Ben to bring the car around, she said to me “I told him that I
would bring him home and care for him and after I said that he squeezed my
hand”. With that comment, my heart broke
and it broke even more after I reminded her that his movement was involuntary. Ben
and I had gotten home when most were getting up for work. We were barely settled into bed when we
received a call that Herb’s body was shutting down. Within hours of that call, he
passed away…December 19th, 2004.
A few days after his death, Ben and I were
having lunch together and I began to cry.
Ben gave me a look like Sweet Jesus Shawn, not here!! I was crying
because I realized that time was not on our side. I had always heard that once one spouse
passes, the other could pass away within a year. Ben’s father and mother were very close…they did
everything together. They were the cute
older couple that you see out at the market or dinner; So the fear of losing his
mom was significant! Ben and I were
waiting for the right time to start a family.
It was at that moment during our lunch that I realized “is there ever a
‘right time’ to start a family? Would it be a certain amount of money in the
bank? Would it be when our social life
began to quite down?”. Ben and I decided
that we would throw caution to the wind.
Stay tuned to find out what happened next....
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