Thank you notes to close out 2016

"We should examine most closely the things we hold to be most dear" ~René Descartes 

After taking the time to reflect on all that has taken place this year, I decided to write out thank you's to my husband and girls...simply for being them.  I welcome you to adopt this idea and put it into play for those you hold near & dear to your heart.  

Ben,

       As we close out the 2016 year, I wanted to take time to thank and acknowledge those I cherish and treasure and guess what?!...you made that list! ;)

      I love and adore you to pieces!  When I reflect on the various components of life, specifically those I'm grateful for, you're at the very top.  This year has been a doozy!! Packing up our first home, selling it, moving into temporary housing, paperwork, more paperwork, faxing that paperwork and digging for even more financial statements & faxing those as well!  I'm pretty sure 2016 was our largest carbon footprint, ever!  Haha.  I love how you and I are adaptable and can try to make the best out of every situation that is tossed our way. Not many couples are able to go through a storm and come out on the other side with an even stronger bond than they had before entering. We're a united & unstoppable force!  I'm incredibly grateful to have you by my side on this crazy journey called life/parent hood.

     You're the epitome of unconditional love. You keep your head up through every curve and turn. You've been able to take this woman's guarded heart and stubborn love and helped support her transformation towards her higher self, stronger being and a true goddess!  Thank you for loving me, supporting me, nurturing me, adoring me, and most importantly, believing in me.

    I'm super excited to see what's in store for our family, and those near & dear to us, in 2017. 

"Where you are, is where I want to be"~dmb

Dear Hannah,  

  As we draw 2016 to a close,  I want you to know it's been amazingly wonderful to be your mom.   It's been an absolute pleasure to help you grow, develop, and evolve this year. You're becoming so mature and showing off your big girl skills more and more with each passing day. Your mind & thought process are astounding  and the way you process your world is absolutely delightful.  You bring so much joy to our family and many, many others!!  When you speak, people listen!!  And when people giggle at your words it's because what you said brings their heart so much happiness that it overflows and causes genuine laughter!  This is an  amazing ability you have, mommy & daddy treasure it, and I hope you have it forever!!   

     I love how patient you are with your sister and take time to explain things to her, even when she doesn't want to listen:). I am so grateful for your loyalty to her. When we are on outings as a family, people often proudly boast how patient you are with Natalie. This is another talent of yours I treasure. 

    Thank you for being a part of our family!  Thank you for choosing ME to be your mom! I love you. 

Natalie,

     As we close the 2016 year I want you to know how grateful I am to have you in my life.  You came into this world grabbing the attention of many people...and you've literally not stopped!  Whether it's strangers we pass in the grocery store who are mesmerized by your bright blue eyes & social skills (aka, your silly. sassy mouth) or the multitude of doctors you see on a regular basis who have their socks knocked off by your ability to overcome an obstacle they feel will be a challenge for you.  You've drawn a crowd near and far and you certainly keep every individual, around you, on their toes!  This year has proved to be a remarkable one for you, especially in the department of patience and perseverance, as well as our ability to become even more attuned with one another.  It's such a pleasure to be your mommy.  Thank you for choosing me...it's an honor! 

     I adore the fact you're changing the world one smile at a time!  Stay fierce little love! 

The Whimper that started it all

In order to bring you up to speed with the present I must, first, take you to the past. April 3rd 2014- as I was walking passed Natalie's bedroom door I heard a distinct whimper. THE whimper. The one that she makes only when she is sick. I couldn't throw open her bedroom door fast enough. What my eyes discovered was a pale & weak little girl. I scooped her up and rocked with her. Ben and Hannah joined me, but Natalie was not interested. She always expresses interest in her sister, but not this day. Her skin grew more pale until it creeped upon her face and her eyes become more distant as the seconds passed like hours. This ordeal lasted approx 7 minutes, but it felt like 7 years! My first thought was, she's having a small seizure because once she came out of her episode, she was tired and lethargic. I was on the phone with the pediatricians office as soon as they opened, I secretly wondered if I was the first call and if I could win some sort of prize. In a way I did, because Natalie scored an appt with her primary doctor as soon as I could get her in the office.   After spending the better portion of our morning in the pediatricians office, we had an action plan...a visit with a local, lauded & loved neurologist for the next day, an EEG and an expedited sleep study.

  The very next day, April 4^th, little miss Natalie had a remarkable appt with Dr. Fischer. She impressed him with her abilities and receptive language skills. The fact that he took his time with her, allowing get-to-know-each-other opportunities via play was astounding and is practically unheard of with physicians these days.   Natalie played with toys and books in his office while Dr. Fischer and I discussed Natalie’s extensive medical history and recapped her ‘episode’ from the day before.  Dr. F gave her a thorough exam and she allowed him to listen to her heart, look in her ears, nose and throat without batting an eyelash…typically she gives the doctor hell and makes them work for such an exam.  But not for Dr. Fischer!   For him, she was a complete angel…and that made him adore her even more.  At the end of our 1.5 hour session with Dr. Fischer, he concluded in his best judgment that she’d not had a petite mal seizure and that we should follow up with her cardiologist.  However, we were to have an EEG just to be sure. 

     To spare you the boredom we shall fast forward through many phone calls & email exchanges all to get Natalie booked for an EEG, Sleep Study, and a cardiology appt.   I swear it’s a full-time job in and of itself to be this little girls personal assistant! The EEG was booked right before our trip to Denver, the Sleep Study was for the evening immediately following our arrival home from Denver and her cardiology appt was booked for May 18^th. 

     Between Natalie’s episode and our impending trip to Denver (it was a Natalie & Mommy trip with a dear friend and her daughter to see a nationally recognized Down syndrome clinic and have Natalie evaluated by the Physical & Speech Therapists) the Rohe’s were caught up in a whirlwind.  Natalie’s EEG was booked just before Denver and I was feeling incredibly anxious and emotionally depleted, so Ben joined us to this trip for support and boy was I glad…I needed his emotional support so I could be the mommy that Natalie knows & loves.  At the end of another 1.5 hour appt I felt like I could use a stiff drink…and it was only 9 in the morning!  And I still had to go home and finish packing for our trip to Denver!    

Denver trip was an absolute blast!  We both have fond memories of our time spent with Shannon & Piper!

   

At last the 18^th of May was upon us and it was just Natalie and I venturing to her cardiology appt.   I was a mix of emotions this day, as no test so far could tell us why Natalie had an episode of unresponsiveness.  First on the adgenda, EKG…all clear, nothing out of the ordinary.  Next up, echocardiogram (essentially it’s an ultrasound on her chest).  We are greeted by Mary and taken back to her room.  I remember her from when I was pregnant with Natalie and we had monthly fetal echocardiograms.    Mary had recent;y had a son when I was there for one last echo, right before Natalie was born, so I made sure to ask her how he was doing, realizing he was about 3.5 yrs of age.  After making some small talk, she began her process.  Considering Natalie has about a dozen of these under her belt, I know exactly what they are looking at and for, so my heart completely sank when she got to Natalie’s left AV valve…I knew something wasn’t right.  I decided to keep calm and wait for the doctor to discuss the finding with me.  Of course I would have to wait an additional 30mins for the echo to wrap up before we could be placed back in an exam room to speak with her cardiologist.  When Dr. B entered the room, I could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t have good news to share.  Sure enough, he said that Natalie has moderate to severe regurgitation on her left AV valve.  I wanted to scream and cry “but you told me in a post-op visit that she only had a 15% chance that she would ever need surgery again!  That’s an 85% chance that she WOULDN’T require surgery!  And now you’re telling me that her valve is failing?!?” but I refrained.  I kept my composure and listened to all that he had to say.  After much discussion, we left with a prescription in hand, as the decision was to trial Natalie on a blood pressure medication to see if it will help alleviate some of the pressure on the valve and perhaps that is all it may need for the regurgitation to decrease.  Right now we wait.  She will follow up with her cardiologist in August. 

      This prescription we left with is for a special medicine that has to be compounded…which means it comes from a special pharmacy.  As I pulled up to the special pharmacy, my heart sinks…I don’t want to go in, I don’t want to get this script filled…well, I do want to get it filled!!  Especially considering my daughter’s life depends on it…but I think you get the jest…I shouldn’t be here, in this parking lot…there was an 85% chance that this wouldn’t happen…why is Natalie part of the 15%?!?    I sucked it up and headed in, handed over the script and waited the 2hours for the medicine to be compounded to the specifications required for her.  I leave there with a bottle of cold medicine and two oral syringes.   When I first came home, I was panic stricken.  What if I forget to give her the medicine?  Don’t we have enough in her daily routine, now we to have to remember to give her medicine TWICE a day?? And not just any medicine…refrigerated medicine.   This isn’t like a round of amoxicillin, she doesn’t get to stop taking it after 14 days.    Natalie's medicine sits on the top shelf of the fridge, in front of the eggs as a reminder…hey!  Don’t forget me!  And yet every time I open the fridge door and spot it, it’s like a punch to the gut.  But I know it will all be ok.  Natalie is a fighter!  She’s my tough, rough and tumble child.  When she takes a spill that would make most kids cry, she gets up, brushes off and goes about her business.  Oh, and the medicine must be awfully tasty because she reminds me at nap time if I’ve forgotten to give it to her.  She takes her index finger and points at her tongue!  So much for this mommy’s worry that she wouldn’t remember to give her child an important medicine…the three year old has it covered <3

  Thanks for reading!    Oh and here's a few pics of her get up for the sleep study!

YES!   She was expected to sleep like that!!

Impromptu Date Night with a side of Speech Therapy

Two Friday's ago during Natalie's speech therapy session, I approached the topic of weaning Natalie off of straw sippy cups and inquired how I might go about introducing a regular cup for her to drink from.  Natalie's rockin' speech therapist was all over it!  She darted out of the room with insane enthusiasm and returned with at least 10 varieties of liquid holding apparatuses; dixie cups, nosey cups, medicine cups, tumblers and tupperware.  Sixty minutes later, Natalie and I walked out of her session with a game plan devised by her SLP & me.  The following night Ben & I had an impromptu date night with Natalie in tow.  

                                                                         
 After an intimate dinner on Main, 

we strolled over to our local Starbucks (sidenote: I'm so in love with Starbucks, I've attempted to get my mom & sister to work there...just so I could have free drinks!  Both attempts were an epic fail.  Plan B:find a handsome barista and date him on the side;-) )  While we are placing our drink orders I notice Via Refreshers on-the-go packets in a new flavor...Valencia Orange.  I quizzed Jonathan as to which flavor Refresher he would prefer "the Orange or Lime?" he said "If you remotely like orange, I recommend going with Valencia!"   SOLD!  I added it to our order.   Sweet barista Jonathan surprised us and fixed a sample of the Valencia Orange Refresher and served them in these adorably small Starbucks sampler cups.  Soooooo, naturally I had to have Natalie practice drinking from the cute cup!!   AFTER I shared some of my sample with Natalie, barista Jonathan notified me that "the Refreshers do contain caffeine!"  I promptly informed him that I would be dropping her off when they closed and she would remain in his care until she fell asleep! 

 Needless to say, I kept the cup and I make her practice with it one meal a day...with water, NOT the via Refresher! Hahaha.

Unk- Quiet, Gentle & Kind

   

 To say today was exceptionally challenging would be an understatement.  Each of us said goodbye to a portion of our heart...some more than others.  

     Raymond, Ray, Unk, Unk the Great.  Those were just a few of the names Ben's uncle acquired during his 77 years here on earth...and I can't believe it's been over 2 weeks since his passing.  Every time I pull onto the family property and behind the big house, I expect to see him outside doing some type of yard work.  It was an unexpected passing and it's jolted each and every one of us. 

   I was blown away when Unk's wife, Arlene, asked me to do a reading at his funeral.  What an honor to be able to speak at such an amazing man's end of life service.  Of everything he has accomplished, I felt out of place being the person chosen to pass along the following message:

{Go placidly amid the noise & haste & remember, what peace there may be in silence.  As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.  Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story.  Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.  If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself.  Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.  Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.  Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.  But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself.  Especially, do not feign affection.  Neither cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.  Take kindly the counsel of the years,  gracefully surrendering the things of youth.  Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.  But do not distress yourself with imaginings.  Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness.  Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.    You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here.  And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.  Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever  your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.  With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  Be cheerful  Strive to be happy.}

       Doting husband & magnificent uncle; our very own animal whisperer.

Unk & Hannah; touring the property

Unk & Mai-Tai

Arlene & Unk

Ray, Marna & Herb, Tabitha
Ben's Uncle, Mom, Dad & sister